A nurse accused of murdering babies on a neonatal ward wrote “I killed them on purpose because I’m not good enough” on a note found at her home, a jury heard.
Manchester Crown Court was told a number of notes were found by police searching Lucy Letby’s home.
The jury heard they included phrases such as “help me”, “I am evil” and “maybe this is all down to me”.
The 33-year-old denies murdering seven babies and attempting to murder 10 others at Countess of Chester Hospital.
Ms Letby, originally from Hereford, faces 22 charges in total relating to fatal and near-fatal incidents in 2015 and 2016.
The court was told other sentences on the sticky notes included “I killed them on purpose because I’m not good enough” and “I can’t do this anymore”.
The jury was also again shown a note previously laid before the court, which read: “I am evil I did this”.
Other words on the documents included “slander”, “discrimination” and “I haven’t done anything wrong”.
The court was also presented with a densely packed handwritten A4 piece of paper, which was filled with broken sentences and featured words such as “debriefing”, “sterility”, “foreign objects”, “workforce”, “assessment” and “management”.
A section which was scribbled and crossed out read “I don’t know if I killed them maybe I did, maybe this is all down to me”, while another part, towards the bottom of the page had the phrase “kill me” written in bolder ink.
The court heard three of the notes were found in a handbag in Ms Letby’s bedroom after she was first arrested at her home in Chester on 3 July 2018.
Among the items seized by police was Ms Letby’s diary, which contained an entry from April 2016 which read “LD [long day] twins”, while the following day had the words “LD twins resus” written on it, alongside the word “salsa” in a different coloured ink.
On dates in June 2016, entries included the initials of some of the children involved in the case against Ms Letby.
The jury was also shown a photo of a shopping bag found in Ms Letby’s bedroom which contained medical documents relating to the children and Ms Letby’s NHS name badge.
Jurors were also shown a note recovered from a bin bag in the garage of Ms Letby’s home.
It was covered in densely packed handwriting and included words and phrases such as “appropriate workforce”, “consultant”, “Countess of Chester Hospital”, “equality” and “diversity”.
In one section Ms Letby had written: “No-one will ever know what happened and why I am a failure”, the court heard.
She wrote “I don’t think I can ever go back too much has happened/changed” and “killing me softly” featured at least twice.
Ms Letby’s office at the Countess of Chester Hospital was also searched on 3 July 2018.
A blue folder of papers was recovered from a desk, containing various items of paperwork.
One sheet, which was an annual leave request, had Ms Letby’s handwriting on both sides.
On it she had repeatedly written a doctor’s name, who cannot be named for legal reasons, with phrases like “I trusted you with everything and loved you”, “you were my best friend” and “please help me”.
There were also love hearts drawn on the sheet, with “Tigger + Smudge” written repeatedly.
In one section Ms Letby wrote: “I am a problem to those who do know me and it would be much easier for everyone if I just went away”.
The trial continues.
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